Singing
Sing When Suffering
God seems to bring His
greatest revelations during times of suffering. Learn to sing when suffering!
Darlene Zschech
experienced dark days in her life in 1993. Life seemed to be unbearable. She
turned to Psalm 96 and wrote “Shout to the Lord.”
Don Moen
was on a plane going to sing for the funeral of his young nephew who died in a
horrific automobile accident. As he read Isa. 43:19, “I will even make a way in
the wilderness, and rivers in the desert,” God gave Don the song, “God Will Make
a Way.”
Laurie Klein
going through loneliness and financial strain, picked up her guitar and out of
her mouth came, “I love you Lord, and I lift my voice to worship You.”
Brian Doerkson
moved from Canada to London to become a worship leader of a small church. He had
recently lost $1 million dollars and his home in the collapse of a major
ministry project. Three of his 6 children were diagnosed with a form of mental
retardation. As he walked and prayed near Wimbledon Stadium, God gave him the
song, “Come, now is the time to worship.”
Marc Byrd,
in deep despair and penniless, spent an entire weekend studying the Psalms. Out
of that weekend came the song, “God of Wonders,” a song used on 2 of the space
flights to awaken the astronauts. (“From the Darkness. . . a Sunbeam!” by
Lindsay Terry, Pulpit Helps, April 2006)
Prison Singers
"Some people are 'Prison
Singers'--behind a few bars and always looking for the right key." --Dr. David
Jeremiah
Another Way to Sing
"Some men sing tenor,
some bass, and others baritone. I just happen to sing monotone."
Sin
How Society Views Sin
"The kind of behavior that once brought disgrace now brings book, movie, and television contracts." --Unknown
This Will Keep You From Falling
"The only thing that will
ultimately keep a person from falling into sin is his love for God." --R. T.
Kendall
Spiritual Gifts
The Parable of the Spilled Coffee
A Bible study group met in a home to study how various ministries
should work in the body of Christ. One member commented, “I don’t understand how
different gifts can work together.”
At that moment a woman accidentally dropped her cup, which broke and
spilled coffee all over the floor. Each group member responded differently to
the mishap, according to their spiritual gifts.
The teacher gave some advice. “Next time if you will put your
cup on the coffee table, that won’t happen again.”
The administrator responded by organizing a clean-up committee.
“Bill, please go find a mop. Sally, could you help him with a towel?”
Bill, who had the gift of service, hurried to get the mop.
Sally, who had the gift of helps, followed Bill and said, “I’ll
help you!”
The person with the gift of exhortation said, “We all make
mistakes so don’t let it get you down.”
The person with the gift of mercy put her arm around the woman,
patted her hand and said, “I feel so badly for you.”
The person with the gift of giving exclaimed, “I’ll buy a new
set of coffee mugs to replace the broken one!”
They all used their various gifts together to resolve the situation.
(Kent Crockett,
www.kentcrockett.com )
Stealing
Stop in the Name of . . .
An elderly
woman had just returned home from church when she was startled by an intruder.
She caught the man in the act of robbing her home and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!"
(“Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of
sins.”)
Immediately
the burglar threw up his hands in surrender as the woman calmly called the
police. As the officer cuffed the burglar he asked, "Why did you just stand
there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."
"A
Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said that she had an Ax and Two 38's!"
Kent
Crockett’s Sermon Illustrations,
www.kentcrockett.com
Stupidity
Smart Shoppers?
Things sold on Ebay:
--A brussel sprout left
over from Christmas sold for over $2,700.
--An empty box sold for
$51.
(Jay Leno, The Tonight
Show, 1/11/06)
Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations www.kentcrockett.com
That Is Using Your Noggin
"The doctor's X-rayed my
head and found nothing." --Baseball great Dizzy Dean, explaining how he felt
after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series
Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations www.kentcrockett.com
Fuzzy Math
A policeman was
interviewing a man whose store had just been robbed. “It’s bad,” said the owner,
“but I’m thankful that he robbed me today instead of yesterday.”
“Why is that?” the
policeman asked.
“Because today everything
was marked 50% off. So, I only lost half as much.”
Kent Crockett's Sermon
Illustrations www.kentcrockett.com
Actual Lines from Performance Appraisals
These are actual lines
from performance appraisals:
1.Not the sharpest knife
in the drawer
2.Got into the gene pool
while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
3.A room temperature IQ.
4.Got a full 6-pack, but
lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
5.A gross
ignoramus--144times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
6.A photographic memory
but with the lens cover glued on.
7.One-celled organisms
outscore him in IQ tests.
8.Donated his body to
science before he was done using it.
9.Fell out of the family
tree.
10.Gates are down, the
lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
11.Has two brains; one is
lost and the other is out looking for it.
12.If brains were taxed,
he'd get a rebate.
13.If he were any more
stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
14.If you give him a
penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
15.If you stand close
enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
16.One neuron short of a
synapse.
17.Some drink from the
fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.
18.Wheel is turning, but
the hamster is dead.
19.Chimney's clogged.
20.Forgot to pay his
brain bill.
21.Doesn't have all his
cornflakes in one box.
FROM YEAR END PERFORMANCE
REVIEWS:
1."I would like to go
hunting with him sometime."
2."He has been working
with glue too much."
3."He brings a lot of joy
when he leaves the room."
4."When his IQ reaches
50, he should sell."
Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations www.kentcrockett.com
Stupid Robbers
*A man into a drug store,
pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his
head. He had forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.
*A man broke into a bank
after hours and stole the bank's video camera. While it was recording. (The
video recorder was located elsewhere, so he didn't get to see the videotape of
himself stealing the camera, although the police did.)
Kent Crockett's Sermon
Illustrations www.kentcrockett.com
Submission
Obedience vs Submission
It’s
possible to obey without submitting. Obedience is an outward action, while
submission is an inward attitude. God calls us not just to obey, but also to
submit.
A mother
ordered her disobedient son to sit in a corner. After a couple of minutes of
sitting, he told his mother, “I’m sitting down on the outside, but I’m standing
up on the inside!” He obeyed, but he didn’t submit. (Kent Crockett, Making Today
Count for Eternity, Sisters, OR: Multnomah Publishers, 2001, p. 128)
Taxes
The Effect of Paying Taxes
A Dutchman was explaining
the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an American.
"Our flag is symbolic of
our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills,
and blue after we pay them."
The American nodded, "It's the same in the USA only we see stars too!" --Cited on Andychaps The Funnies.
Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?
Definition of a
Millionaire: A billionaire after his taxes are paid.
My, How Things Have Changed
"It's hard
to believe that America was founded to avoid high taxation." --Unknown
Einstein Gets Stumped
"Of all the
things in this universe, the most difficult to understand is the income tax."
--Albert Einstein
The Ever-Growing Problem
In 1913,
the 16th Amendment brought federal income tax into existence. At the time one
senator spoke these in opposition to the new tax: "If we allow this 1%
foot-in-the-door, at some future date it might rise to 5%." --Bits & Pieces
Coincidence or Planned?
Did you know when you put the words "The"
and "IRS" together, it spells "THEIRS?" --Author Unknown
Teenagers
Quote from Mark Twain
"The most effective way to deal with them is to place them in a wooden pickle barrel on their 13th birthday, nail the lid on the barrel and feed them through a knot hole." --Mark Twain
Definition of an Adolescent
An adolescent is a
teenager who acts like a baby when you don't treat him like an adult.
Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations, www.kentcrockett.com
The Father of a Teenager
Legend has it that one day Peter passed by a blind man and healed him. He later saw a demon-possessed man and set him free. Then he saw a man crying, and asked about his problem. The man said he was a father of a teenager. All Peter could do was sit down and weep with him.
It Never Occurs to Teenagers . . .
It never occurs to
teenagers that someday they will know as little as their parents. --Bits &
Pieces