Back to title page

Heaven

Preparing for Heaven

The few brief moments you live on earth will determine your responsibilities for all eternity. (Kent Crockett, Making Today Count for Eternity, Sisters, OR: Multnomah Publishers, 2001, p. 51)

Rewards in Heaven

Imagine a WWII soldier, wounded while courageously rescuing his fellow soldiers. When he returned home, he was rewarded with the Medal of Honor for his service. What had motivated him to put his life in danger? He risked his life to save his friends’ lives and defend his country’s freedom. When his life was at stake in battle, he wasn’t thinking I’m going to put my life in jeopardy so that I will receive a medal. The reward was simply the nation’s way of showing appreciation for his heroic actions.

In the same way, we serve God because we love Him and our fellow man. We don’t serve for the reward, but for the Lord. “We have as our ambition…to be pleasing to Him” (2 Cor. 5:9). Rewards are simply God’s way of showing that He is pleased with our lives. He could have kept the truth about eternal rewards a big secret to be revealed to all on Judgment Day. Instead, He specifically told us some things we do now will be rewarded in the next life. (Kent Crockett, Making Today Count for Eternity, Sisters, OR: Multnomah Publishers, 2001, pp. 66-67)

Heavenly-Minded

We should be heavenly-minded in order to be of more earthly good. Jesus was the most heavenly-minded person to ever walk this planet, and He did more earthly good than anyone in history. (Kent Crockett, Making Today Count for Eternity, Sisters, OR: Multnomah Publishers, 2001, p. 67)

Rewarded for Changing Diapers

The Christian mother who changes her baby’s diapers will be rewarded forever for performing that duty. Don’t you believe that it’s God’s will for a newborn to have clean diapers? Of course it is. After all, someone had to change Jesus’ diapers, and I’m sure those swaddling clothes got a little messy at times. God was pleased when Mary put clean Pampers on her baby. That means changing diapers is doing God’s will, and anything that is the will of God has eternal significance. The greatest in God’s kingdom is the servant of all, and that includes serving infants. (Kent Crockett, Making Today Count for Eternity, Sisters, OR: Multnomah Publishers, 2001, p. 75)

Seeing Jesus Face-to-Face

When William Montague Dyke was ten years old, he was blinded in an accident. Despite his disability, William graduated from a university in England with high honors. While he was in school, he fell in love with the daughter of a high-ranking British naval officer, and they became engaged.

Not long before the wedding, William had eye surgery in the hope that the operation would restore his sight. If it failed, he would remain blind for the rest of his life. William insisted on keeping the bandages on his face until his wedding day. If the surgery was successful, he wanted the first person he saw to be his new bride.

The wedding day arrived. The many guests—including royalty, cabinet members, and distinguished men and women of society—assembled together to witness the exchange of vows. William's father, Sir William Hart Dyke, and the doctor who performed the surgery stood next to the groom, whose eyes were still covered with bandages. The organ trumpeted the wedding march, and the bride slowly walked down the aisle to the front of the church.

As soon as she arrived at the altar, the surgeon took a pair of scissors out of his pocket and cut the bandages from William's eyes.

Tension filled the room. The congregation of witnesses held their breath as they waited to find out if William could see the woman standing before him. As he stood face-to-face with his bride-to-be, William’s words echoed throughout the cathedral, "You are more beautiful than I ever imagined!"

One day the bandages that cover our eyes will be removed. When we stand face-to-face with Jesus Christ and see His face for the very first time, His glory will be far more splendid than anything we have ever imagined in this life. (Kent Crockett, Making Today Count for Eternity, Sisters, OR: Multnomah Publishers, 2001, pp. 101-102)

Desiring the Next World

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." --C. S. Lewis

Hell

The Source of Our Information

"When I was a pastor of a country church, a farmer didn't like the sermons I preached on hell. He said, 'Preach about the meek and lowly Jesus.' I said, 'That's where I got my information about hell.'" --Vance Havner

How to Escape Hell

If you want to know for certain that you'll go to heaven instead of hell, click on

Billy Graham's presentation of "Steps to Peace with God"

http://www.billygraham.org/SH_StepsToPeace.asp

Here is another site:

http://www.allaboutgod.com/how-to-be-saved.htm

Holiness

The Formula for Becoming Godly

"Do you want to know how to become godly? Just hang around God a lot." --Peter Lord

www.kentcrockett.com

Holy Spirit

Filled with the Holy Spirit

You have probably been in a restaurant where the waitress has asked, "Can I warm up your coffee for you?" The cup may be half-full and cold after sitting on the table for a while. When she pours the new coffee in, she refills and warms up the cup.

Maybe you are spiritually cold and empty. It doesn't have to stay that way. Quit trying to live in your own power and strength. Ask God to fill you with the Holy Spirit right now. (Kent Crockett, The 911 Handbook, Peabody, MA: Hendrickson Publishers, 2003, 93)

Conviction

Conviction is when the Holy Spirit shines His flashlight on a dark area in my heart. --Kent Crockett

(Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations, www.kentcrockett.com )

Those annoying people

The thing that aggravates you may be the Holy Spirit convicting you of an attitude that needs to be changed.

(Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations, www.kentcrockett.com

The Word and the Spirit

"If you have the Word without the Spirit, you'll dry up.

If you have the Spirit without the Word, you'll blow up.

If you have both the Word and the Spirit, you'll grow up." --Derek Prince

Honesty

Tell Us How Your Really Feel

Former heavyweight boxing champion George Foreman, in his book God in My Corner, writes:

Johnny Carson, the former host of NBC television’s long-running Tonight Show, invited me to be on his program while I was making my return to boxing. Johnny said, “George, they say that all the guys you are fighting are soft touches. Now tell me the truth. Is this guy you’re about to fight any good?”

Nearly all boxers talk tough and brag about how they’re going to kill the other guy. I said what no one was expecting:

“I hope not!” I said with a big grin.

Johnny and the studio audience cracked up. I was just being honest and telling the truth, which made it even funnier, I guess. After all, what boxer wants to fight someone who will beat him up?

(George Foreman, God In My Corner, Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2007, p. 163)

Humility

The Most Humble Button

A church realized the importance of humility, so it formed a committee to find the most humble person in the church. Many names were submitted and numerous candidates evaluated. Finally, the committee came to a unanimous decision. They selected a quiet little man who always lived in the background and had never taken credit for anything he had done. They awarded him the "Most Humble" button for his faithful service. However, the next day they had to take it away from him because he pinned it on. (Kent Crockett, Making Today Count for Eternity, Sisters, OR: Multnomah Publishers, 2001, p. 122)

The Key to the Heart of God

Humility is the key to God’s heart that unlocks His mercy. (Kent Crockett, Making Today Count for Eternity, Sisters, OR: Multnomah Publishers, 2001, p.119)

Humor

Definitions

Adolescent: A teenager who acts like a baby when you don't treat him like an adult

Babysitter: Someone you pay to watch your television and eat your food

Boy: A noise with dirt on it

Brat: A child that acts like your own but belongs to someone else

Coffee: Break fluid

Dieting: Mind over platter

Diplomacy: The art of letting other people have your own way

Earthquake: A topographical error

Fairy Tale: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries

Grandparent: A grandchild's press secretary

Honeymoon: The brief period of time between "I do" and "You'd better!"

Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math

Millionaire: A billionaire after his taxes are paid

Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once

Nostalgia: Living in the past lane

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark

Subdivision: A neighborhood where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them

Tater-Tots: Children of couch potatoes

Will: A dead giveaway

Definitions at Work

Blamestorming: A creative discussion for finding an appropriate scapegoat.

BMWs: Big moaners and whiners.

Bobbleheading: Affirmative group head-nodding when the boss speaks.

Clockroaches: People who spend more time watching the clock than working.

Plutoed: Demoting a project or person to lower status.

Prairie dogging: Sticking heads up over cubicle partitions.

Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations, www.kentcrockett.com

Aggie Jokes

Even though I graduated from Texas A&M, I still love telling Aggie jokes!

Did you hear about the Aggie who thought it was unlucky to be superstitious?

An Aggie rushed home and told his wife, "Honey, now we don't have to move to a more expensive apartment. The landlord just raised our rent!"

An Aggie told his family that he wanted to be buried at sea. His two brothers died trying to dig the grave.

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and an Aggie were sentenced to death by the guillotine. The Frenchman went first. The blade came down and stopped several inches from his neck. The executioner said, "This must be fate. You are free to go." The Frenchman said, "Viva la France!"
Next, it was the Englishman's turn. Again, the blade came down and stopped just short of his neck. He too was set free and said, "Long live the king!"

Before the Aggie put his head in, he said, "If you will untie that knot in the rope, it will come down all the way. Gig 'em Aggies!"

Good Questions to Ask

If "quitters never win" is a person who quits smoking a loser?

Why are there floatation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

If we can pay farmers not to raise crops, why can't we pay Congress not to raise taxes?

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

What is another word for "thesaurus"?

Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?

Letter From College

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,

Your $on

The Reply:

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,

Dad

Common Sense

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Paranoids are people too. It's easy to criticize them, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.

Tips for Rednecks

Martha Stewart's Tips for Rednecks

·        A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

·        Do not allow the dog to eat at the table . . . no matter how good his manners are.

·        When ears need to be cleaned, it should be done in private using your OWN truck keys.

·        Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

·        Refrain from talking to the characters on the movie screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

·        When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires has the right of way.

·        Never take a beer to a job interview.

·        Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.

·        However, if you live alone, deoderant is a waste of good money.

·        Livestock is a considered a poor choice for a wedding gift.

A Wise Choice

A man in a restaurant opened his menu and read: Today's Special: Tongue of Chicken

When the waitress walked to his table, he said, "Today's Special is tongue of chicken? That's disgusting! I would never consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!"

The waitress said, "So what would you like to order?"

"Oh, just bring me some scrambled eggs," the man replied.

Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations, www.kentcrockett.com

Bumper Snickers

Bumper Stickers (This list will be updated)

·        Thank you for not telling me about your grandchildren

·        Have you tormented the devil today?

Hurts

See Spot Run

A dog named Spot had been frequently beaten by its master. One day Spot was wandering down the street when a boy picked up a stick to play fetch with him. When the dog saw him pick up the stick, it took off running with its tail between its legs.

See Spot run.

Although the boy just wanted to play, the dog had been conditioned to associate the stick with pain. The beatings as a puppy programmed Spot to assume that all people were out to hurt him.

After we’ve received a few “beatings” from others, we’ll start viewing everyone with suspicion. We assume they have an agenda to hurt us, so we react by running away. Sore spots make us run. Although others may not intend harm, we misjudge their motives because we view them through wounded glasses.

(Kent Crockett, I Once Was Blind But Now I Squint, Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers, 2004, 90)

It Is Your Choice

"Pain is inevitable but misery is optional." --Barbara Johnson