Ageing
Formula to Make People Look Younger
Did you know scientists
have developed a formula to make people look younger? They just have to iron out
a few wrinkles before it goes on the market.
Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations, www.kentcrockett.com
Don't Think of It As Getting Older
Birthday Card: "Don't
think of it as getting older. Just think of it as going on ahead to check things
out for the rest of us."
Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations, www.kentcrockett.com
One-Liners
THE SEVEN AGES OF MAN:
Spills, drills, thrills, bills, ills, pills, wills --Richard Needham, The Wit
and Wisdom of Richard Needham
AGEING: Youth Deficiency
Disorder
OLD-TIMER: Someone who
can remember when bacon, eggs, and sunshine were good for us.
BUMPER STICKER: Wrinkled
is not one of those things I wanted to be when I grew up.
HAPPY HOUR FOR THE
ELDERLY: Afternoon nap
"Life not only begins at
forty, it begins to show."
"Time may be a great
healer but it's also a lousy beautician."
"The only time a woman
wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby."
"Brain cells come and
brain cells go, but fat cells stay forever."
"You don't stop laughing
because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing."
Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations, www.kentcrockett.com
Your Age in Fractions
"When you're younger, you
think of your age in fractions. 4 1/2, 5 1/2. You don't hear 36 1/2. You
become 2, you turn 40, you reach 50, you make it to 60.
By now you're going so fast you hit 70!" --Mark Lowry
Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations, www.kentcrockett.com
Avoiding Temptation
"Don't worry about
avoiding temptation as you grow older. It will avoid you." --Winston Churchill
Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations, www.kentcrockett.com
You Do Not Have to Feel Old
Two men in a retirement
center were talking. Norm said, “I’m 85 years old and feel like I'm falling
apart. How do you feel George?”
George replied, “Even
though I’m almost 100, I feel like a new-born babe.”
“How in the world can you
feel like a new-born at your age?” Norm asked.
“I don’t have any teeth,
I don’t have any hair, I can’t sleep through the night, and I’m back to wearing
diapers.”
Trying to Look Younger
A middle-aged woman has a
heart attack and leaves her body in a "near death experience." She sees a bright
light and a voice says, "It's not your time to go. You still have another 30
years to live.” Immediately she goes back into her body and lives again.
The woman decides she has
a new reason to live, so she schedules major cosmetic surgery: a face-lift,
liposuction, and tummy-tuck. She dyes her hair to cover up her gray, making her
look 10 years younger. The next day when she crosses the street, she is hit by a
speeding car. She dies again, leaves her body, and sees the bright light.
"Hey, what happened?" she
complains. "I thought you said I had another 30 years?"
The voice says, "I’m
sorry, but I didn't recognize you."
Kent Crockett's Sermon
Illustrations, www.kentcrockett.com
Be Sure to Buckle Up
At a nursing home, a
resident said, "My arms are so weak I can hardly lift a cup of coffee. My
cararacts are so bad I can't even see my toothbrush. I can't turn my head
because of the arthritis in my neck. My blood pressure medicine makes me dizzy.
But thank God, I can still drive!"
Kent Crockett's Sermon Illustrations, www.kentcrockett.com
I Can Hear Him Coming
"My ankles creak, my knees crack, my ears ring, and my stomach gurgles. I'm not getting older, I'm getting noiser." --Bob Hope